The Lucius Flux

#FluxReviews

Flux Reviews: Look Who's Back by Timur Vermes

1:26 am

Title: Look Who's Back

Author: Timur Vernes

Publication Date: March 10, 2014

Publisher: MacLehose Press

Format: Paperback

Price: ₱899 (Philippines) - $11.72 (Amazon)

Plot Synopsis:

HE'S BACK
Berlin, summer 2011. Adolf hitler wakes up on a patch of open ground, alive and well. Things have changed--no Eva Braun, no Nazi party, no war. Hitler's barely recognizes his beloved Fatherland, filled with immigrants and run by a woman.

HE'S FÜHRIOUS
People certainly recognize him, albeit as a flawed impersonator who refuses to break character. The unthinkable, the inevitable happens, the ranting Hitler goes viral, becoming a YouTube star, gets his own T.V. show, and people begin to listen. But the Führer has another programme with even greater ambition--to set the country he finds in shambles back to rights.

LOOK WHO'S BACK
stunned and then thrilled 1.5 million German readers with its fearless approach to the most taboo of subjects. Naive yet insightful, repellent yet sympathetic, the revived hitler unquestionably has a spring in his step.

The Review

So the most hated and infamous characters in history wakes up in the middle of Berlin, completely healthy and fine, not a day older, whether the Illuminati aliens put him there, some kind of Back to the Future-esque shit or something, the point is: the Führer is loose in the 21st century. He's Seig Heil-ing advertising fascism around kids' playground and Starbucks as if it's 1945. Yeaaaaaah this is gonna be good.

It's like that movie, Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home where Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock has to go back in time to 21st Century San Francisco and they don't know how money works and how and why people move and act the way they do, basically they're almost completely clueless about that time period's culture. It's kinda like this, except with your favorite German dictator.
Or like your grandpa who's just been introduced to the iPad, or him going to Japan for the first time, really.

The novel opens up with Adolf Hitler waking up in 2011 Berlin, he's completely weirded out by almost everything he sees, he has no passport, no ID, he really doesn't know anything about 21st century culture and it's many alienating points, like that first time you had an iPhone or just a phone in general, or having a pair of Google glass when in comparison, you had this heavy-ass, literally brick-shaped "mobile phone" that had a backpack-mounted battery, all of which weighed about 10 pounds.

I can now totally see him doing this after a few years

One of the lighter "What if?" books about history, most specifically about the possibility of Hitler in our modern world, the author showed us how Hitler would've reacted in our technological world quite well, with a bit of British Humor for good measure. Things like Herr Hitler figuring out how to use an iPhone, a Computer, and people thinking he's just a dressed-up comedian. And don't forget the fact that he's with his personality and the fact weird fact that most of the Germans in this book's pretty cool with someone who did some bad stuff in WWII, it's not unlikely that he could get some modern street-credz.

And weirdly enough, there are some parts in this book where you can't help but sympathize with him, having no family, being alone on Christmas and him thinking it's all right, that's some weird feels man.

Halfway in you'll be asking yourself "Is Hitler really a bad guy as a person?" and But the real questions in our minds are: "Will he get arrested/executed? How will the rest of the world react to his presence? How the hell did he get to 2011?", "How will he react to 'swag'?" and most importantly: "Is he still alive today and walking about?"
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Featuring some pretty cool and tasteful mix of Mein Kampf, Terry Pratchett-esque dry humor (meaning it isn't like obvious gags and American jokes), and some parts of a YA novel, a somewhat controversial book since this does deal with Adolf Hitler, and practically anything to do with him is taboo. This was a pretty good read (this is also a satire on modern media and Germany's current status :) ) and I suggest you guys read it :)

"What kinds of truths were being hidden? Were there lying turnips? Were there lying leeks?”

“It came as no surprise to learn of the success the Swede has recently enjoyed with his furniture. In that rotten state of his the Swede is permanently on the lookout for firewood, so it is no wonder that from time to time this might result in the odd table or chair.”

My Rating:

4 1/2 out of 5 Fallen stars

Basil Rathbone

Captain's Log #6: Classic Holmes VS. Modern Holmes

7:28 pm

Alright, just a word of warning: I like to rant about these kinds of things, and when I rant i don't give a damn if my paragraphing is correct and I will unintentionally digress from the main point from time to time. Also, this can be quite boring.

You have been warned.

Back when Sir Arthur Conan Doyle wrote about the famous adventures of the Consulting Detective Sherlock Holmes and his companion Dr. James Watson (A Study in Scarlet first published in the Beeton's Chirstmas Annual 1887), it was written in the perspective of the discharged army doctor James Watson, chronicling the singular exploits and adventure of Mr. Sherlock Holmes. Its general idea was simple, but brilliant: Sherlock Holmes is a consulting detective, someone the police looks for when they're out of their depths ("Which is always," Says BBC Sherlock), he looks at ordinary people and things, the dirt, the windowsills, and from the minute and trifling details he forms a conclusion based on his deductions which is based from evidence, observation, and his vast encyclopedic knowledge. With this, he solves crimes that people might claim impossible.
Conan Doyle couldn't have believed that this fictional detective would gain popularity, so much that Sherlock Holmes would overshadow his creator. He would later come to hate his creation, and eventually, kill him off in His last Bow.

Over the years, there has been many, many portrayals of the iconic crime-fighing duo (No, not Batman and Robin) and primarily, Sherlock Holmes: Basil Rathbone (RIP), Christopher Lee (RIP), Michael Caine, Leonard Nimoy (RIP) Jeremy Brett (RIP), Robert Downey Jr., Jonny Lee Miller, Benedict Cumberbatch and Ian McKellan, to name a few. And I can honestly say that a majority of us has or is still wishing to be this genius of a man, to wear the deerstalker hat, pretend to smoke a pipe and go around solving crimes with a sidekick, forming deductions which will leave people astounded and mistaking you for a wizard.

Well yes, enough digressions. The Classic Conan Doyle way of writing was quite simple, it only took me a few minutes to get a feel of the language when I first read his stories, but the usage of technical terms is different thing entirely. Since Sherlock Holmes is quite knowledgeable in chemistry, anatomy, and sensational literature, it is quite difficult for us ordinary folk to understand what the hell he's saying half of the time! He also knows quite a lot about geology, for example, he knows that that brown smudge on your left trouser leg is mud distinctive in the upper Thames, near White Chappel. That you have been traveling for about a day now and that you carry a small luggage, judging from the color and size of the splash. That's how good he is. But, the thing is, once he makes these deductions from commonplace things, we take him for a fucking wizard. But after he explains us how he formed these deductions, we thump out hands to our foreheads and exclaim "Of course! Why didn't I think of that?" (The common reaction of Watson after Holmes has explained himself)
These things are still existent in the new BBC television series Sherlock, featuring the talented gentleman Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman from the Hobbit. Indeed, these deductions are made even more fantastic and sometimes unbelievable. It may simple stem from the fact that the viewers of today have standards that are constantly spiraling upwards, they cannot be content with a elementary cases like the Adventure of the Red-Headed League or the Adventure of the Blue Carbuncle.

But try to write a fan fiction on the BBC's Sherlock, however, it's like making Michael Bay write a movie that doesn't have any explosions in it, it can be done but it's reaaaaaaally difficult, just like if your writing style/mindset is at the moment the 20th century London of the Great Detective: hansom carts, Holmes smoking more tobacco snuff than Wiz Khalifa, Watson being more clueless than usual, more house calls to Holmes than to a doctor, simple plots. Do relatively simple plots and crimes diminish the enjoyability and depth of a story? No. You don't need a complicated plot to give the reader a sense of what you're writing or to give them a laugh.

Furthermore, I couldn't help but notice that a majority of people these days (teenagers, usually) cannot stomach or take to read the original cases, whether they simply don't want to, or because they think they're uncool or lame, probably another reason why the more modern incarnation of the sleuthing detective was created, the movie Sherlock Holmes featuring Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law, the BBC's Sherlock which is already mentioned somewhere above, Elementary with Jonny Lee Miller and the female Dr. Watson Lucy Liu among others. The shows and movies of today feature plenty of action, comedy, and romantic interests that are too much for Grenada's Sherlock Holmes to contend with today.

Anyway. To me, writing in the classic Conan Doyle sort is easier, you can add more things to it that you just can't in fan fictions of Sherlock or Elementary. For one thing, neither of these Holmes smoke a pipe, ride a dog-cart, solve trifling cases such as a bank robbery or a madman smashing Napoleonic busts. And another thing, we have yet to see Benedict Cumberbatch box a drunkard at a tavern, Robert Downey did it, why can't he? Just a trifling thought.

Although it is of no consequence to mention that it is getting increasingly difficult to make fan fiction with the grand flourish and theatricality of 20th century literature, because to some people it is too slow, not enough action and interest. And modern literature (or at least, most YA novels) focus more on what the characters think and on the dialogue, not saying that that's a bad thing, for from it, but the flowery and detailed descriptions of yesteryear's slowly losing its grip on today's readers' minds.

Really, the BBC's Sherlock was more vain, more silly, cute, more disliked by Scotland Yard (as was evident in the Study in Pink, with Anderson and Sally) and eccentric than Conan Doyle's, although we might just be seeing a smaller part of his life because it is a series, *Cough* and there are only 3 seasons with 3 episodes each *cough*.

From what I read and watched, the Victorian Holmes encountered far more difficulty than his modern counterpart, no smartphones, they had to send telegraphs, cabs took longer, money was somewhat easier to counterfeit, accessibility of weapons and drugs (Now you know when to time travel), medical care (not to mention that practically nobody wears a top hat nowadays!). In short, Classic Holmes had to go out and actually solve the cases, because nowadays people don't wear suits everyday everywhere, you wear T-shirts, hoodies, tank-tops, you no don't need to go the library to get information anymore, you just need look it up on Google!
*Sigh* Kids have it easy these days.

UPDATE: 30/06/15

Modern renditions of Holmes (or most adaptations of the past 20 or so years) have been flashier more stunts, more explosions, more adventure and excitement, which the past tales sometimes attempted but due to trying to be as accurate to the books as possible while maintaining the air of dignity, gentlemanliness, and the solemness of Holmes during a case. You can use the Lord of the Rings and the Hobbit movies by Peter Jackson, for example. You will see some key differences between them, the same can be said of Jurassic Park and Jurassic World. It could just be the charm of their compensating for their limitations brought on by their time, such as goofy-looking animatronics or cliche action clips, but there's a certain feeling and wonder in the original renditions, if you get my meaning.

#LuciusFlux

Flux Reviews: The Iliad by Homer

12:29 am

Title: The Iliad
Author: Homer
Publication Date: 2004
Publisher: Farrar, Straus and Giroux
Format: Paperback
Price: ₱625 (Philippines) - $7.00 (Amazon)

Plot Synopsis:

Homer's Iliad is the greatest and most influential epic poem ever written, telling of the tragic and bloody climax to the ten-year siege of Troy. This Penguin Classics edition was originally translated by E.V. Rieu, revised and updated with an introduction and notes by Peter Jones and D.C.H. Rieu.

One of the foremost achievements in Western literature, Homer's Iliad tells the story of the darkest episode in the Trojan War. At its centre is Achilles, the greatest warrior-champion of the Greeks, and his refusal to fight after being humiliated by his leader Agamemnon. But when the Trojan Hector kills Achilles' close friend Patroclus, he storms back into battle to take revenge - even though he knows this will ensure his own untimely death. Interwoven with this tragic sequence of events are powerfully moving descriptions of the ebb and flow of battle, of the domestic world inside Troy's besieged city of Ilium, and of the conflicts between the Gods on Olympus as they argue over the fate of mortals.

The Review

War, war never changes . . .

Anger be now your song, immortal one
Akhilleus' anger, doomed and ruinous,
that caused the Akhaians loss on bitter loss
and crowded brave souls into the undergloom,
leaving so many dead men-carrion
for dogs and birds; and the will of Zeus was done.

These are the words that begin Homer's epic of love, war, godly interferance, blood, death, and a story that has endured the test of time.

Assuming that you already know how the Trojan War went down, we can have a smooth review and discussion on this version of the Iliad.

I was fairly recently (by that I mean a few months ago.) in a campus day lecture in UA&P and it's Lit prof, Leon Peckson was talking to us of sehnsucht, of our human, infinite, insatiable longing, our endless yearning for something more, and it eventually drifted off to him reading aloud a part of the Iliad, about an interaction between Akhilleus and a son of Priam, Lykaon. And that was what got me, the action, the drama, the sheer bloodshed in the book! And the language there wasn't too hard, after a few lines or stanzas you'll get the hang of it, just like riding a bike.

In the book there are several scenes of gruesome battles and people getting beheaded and spears running through peoples bowels, this is one of the things that appealed me into reading the book from cover-to-cover: men bludgeoning other men to pulp, spears right in the eye, Greeks and Trojans basically having the a game of King of the Hill, but instead of a hill it's Patróklos, and instead of just standing on the hill, the guys have to haul the dude to their side of the battlefield. Combat.

Pênèleos drove his spearhead
into the eye-socket underneath the brow,
thrusting the eyeball out. The spearhead ran
straight through the socket and the skull behind,
and throwing out both hands he sat down backwards.
Pênèleos, drawing his long sword, chopped through
the nape and set the severed helmeted head
and trunk apart upon the field. The spear
remained in the eye-socket. Lifting up
the head by it as one would lift a poppy,
he cried out to the Trojans, gloating grimly:

"Go tell Ilioneus' father and his mother
for me, Trojans, mourn him in their hall.
The wife of Pròmakhos, Alegênor's son,
will not be gladdened by her husband's step,
that day when we Akhaians make home port
in the ships from Troy."

Here, the Greek warrior Pênèleos spears Ilioneus right in the eye, the spear passing through his skull, beheads him, lifting the head like Heracles and Medusa, and gloats over his body and to the Trojans, probably with his foot propped on Ilioneus' headless body. Now that's fucking brutal. This sounds more violent than an X-ray Fatality from Mortal Kombat X, really LOL (Other fighting games are available)

At this,
Iris left him, running downwind, Akhilleus,
whom Zeus loved, now arose. Around his shoulders
Athêna hung her shield, like thunderhead
with trailing fringe. Goddess of goddesses,
she bound his head with golden cloud and made
his very body blaze with fiery light.
Imagine how the pyre of a burning town
will tower to heaven and be seen for miles
from the island under attack, while all day long
outside their, in brutal combat, pikemen
suffer the war god's winnowing: at sundown
flare by flare is lit, the signal fires
shoot up for other islanders to see,
that some relieving force by see may come:
just so the baleful radiance from Akhilleus
lit the sky. Moving from parapet
to moat, without a nod for the Akhaians,
keeping clear, in deference to his mother,
he halted and gave tongue. Not far from him
Athêna shrieked. The great sound shocked the Trojans
into tumult, as a trumpet blown
by a savage foe shocks an encircled town,
so harsh and clarion was Akhilleus' cry.
The hearts of men quailed, hearing that brazen voice.
Teams, foreknowing danger turned their cars
and charioteers blanched seeing unearthly fire,
kindled by the grey-eyed Athêna,
brilliant over Akhileaus. The great cries
he gave above the moat. Three times they shuddered,
and twelve good men took mortal hurt
from cars and weapons in the rank behind.

Akhilleus' best friend, Patróklos pretends to be Akhilleus, and that means borrowing his armor. But he is killed by Hektor, he takes his armor as a trophy. Upon hearing this, Akhilleus immediately wants to take revenge, but he cannot since Hektor has his armor. But Athêna lends him her shield, Aegis.
Imagine a shinning, shield glowing (Glowering. At your life choices.) goldenly, bearing the face of the Gorgon in the front, the very sight of it makes great men's knees shake and lesser men to flee, when Zeus shakes the Aegis Mount Ida is cloaked in clouds, thunder rolls and men are struck down with fear. This is the shield of Zeus and grey-eyed Athêna.

And now imagine Akhilleus, still in a rage from his friend's death, climbing on top of the Greek's camp wall like one of those bare-chested dudes from 300, standing on the edge, alongside Athêna, thrice they shout with such rage and great emotion that twelve Trojans are actually hurt from it, or indirectly from the chariots going berserk and the chaos that followed.

Riiiiiight, onwards to an actual review.

Robert Fitzgerald's translation isn't as word-for-word translated as Robert Fagles or Richmond Lattimore (Who are the other two most popular translators in this), more of thought-for-thought, if that makes any sense. But he translates the names as accurately as possible, meaning some of the used-to names of heroes such as Achilles and Ajax are written here as Akhilleus and Aias, which might confuse some readers on their first reading (I was confused, I was wondering where Ajax was gonna come in, and then 3/4 into the book I looked it up and turned out that Aias is Ajax!), and this might annoy you guys but for some people it's okay, but with all the diacritic names (Lykáön, Danáäns, Patrókles etc . . .) and embellishments, some of you might get bothered. But there are other publications of Fitzgerald where the names there are as they are commonly known (Oxford World Classics, for one).

Below are the opening lines of some of the famous translations of the Iliad for your consideration and judgement:

Robert Fitzgerald

Anger be now your song, immortal one
Akhilleus' anger, doomed and ruinous,
that caused the Akhaians loss on bitter loss
and crowded brave souls into the undergloom,
leaving so many dead men-carrion
for dogs and birds; and the will of Zeus was done.
begin it when the two men first contending
broke with one another--

The Lord Marshal
Agamémnon, Atreus' son, and Prince Akhilleus.

Robert Fagles
Rage—Goddess, sing the rage of Peleus’ son Achilles,
murderous, doomed, that cost the Achaeans countless losses,
hurling down to the House of Death so many sturdy souls,
great fighters’ souls, but made their bodies carrion,
feasts for dogs and birds,
and the will of Zeus was moving towards its end.
Begin, Muse, when the two first broke and clashed,
Agamemnon lord of men and brilliant Achilles.

Richmond Lattimore
SING, goddess, the anger of Peleus' son Achilleus
and its devastation, which put pains thousandfold upon the Achaians,
hurled in their multitudes to the house of Hades strong souls
of heroes, but gave their bodies to be the delicate feasting
of dogs, of all birds, and the will of Zeus was accomplished
since that time when first there stood in division of conflict
Atreus' son the lord of men and brilliant Achilleus.

Alexander Pope
Achilles’ wrath, to Greece the direful spring
Of woes unnumber’d, heavenly goddess, sing!
That wrath which hurl’d to Pluto’s gloomy reign
The souls of mighty chiefs untimely slain;
Whose limbs unburied on the naked shore,
Devouring dogs and hungry vultures tore.
Since great Achilles and Atrides strove,
Such was the sovereign doom, and such the will of Jove!

Stephen Mitchell
The rage of Achilles—sing it now, goddess, sing through me
the deadly rage that caused the Achaeans such grief
and hurled down to Hades the souls of so many fighters,
leaving their naked flesh to be eaten by dogs
and carrion birds, as the will of Zeus was accomplished.
Begin at the time when bitter words first divided
that king of men, Agamemnon, and godlike Achilles.

My Rating:

5 out of 5 Fallen stars

#DoYouHearThePeopleSing

Flux Reviews: Les Misérables by Victor Hugo

10:48 pm

Title: Les Misérables
Author:Victor Hugo
Publication Date: October 1, 2013
Publisher: Signet
Format: Paperback pocketbook
Price: ₱285 (Philippines) - $5.97 (Amazon)

Plot Synopsis:

Introducing one of the most famous characters in literature, Jean Valjean—the noble peasant imprisoned for stealing a loaf of bread—Les Misérables ranks among the greatest novels of all time. In it, Victor Hugo takes readers deep into the Parisian underworld, immerses them in a battle between good and evil, and carries them to the barricades during the uprising of 1832 with a breathtaking realism that is unsurpassed in modern prose. Within his dramatic story are themes that capture the intellect and the emotions: crime and punishment, the relentless persecution of Valjean by Inspector Javert, the desperation of the prostitute Fantine, the amorality of the rogue Thénardier, and the universal desire to escape the prisons of our own minds. Les Misérables gave Victor Hugo a canvas upon which he portrayed his criticism of the French political and judicial systems, but the portrait that resulted is larger than life, epic in scope—an extravagant spectacle that dazzles the senses even as it touches the heart.

The Review

Les Misérables. The book, the musical, the 10+ hour audiobook, 'the Brick', the bane of your existence if you don't have the guts, patience, and time to read this titanic novel by Victor Hugo!

Bought this 2 years ago when I watched the 2012 movie adaptation with Russel Crowe, Anne Hathaway and Hugh Jackman and Borat-- I-I mean Sacha Baron Cohen, I love the musical numbers, the story, the setting! It was one of my strongest fandoms back then, and I think it still is now! If you go on Tumblr you'll see a lot of funny .GIFs or memes about the movie, like:

And . . .

So anyway, I stopped reading it at about 300 pages in, I just couldn't take it at that time, can you blame me? So I continued it, and it's pretty good, now that I'm reading it again.
What really drawn me in is the setting, 19th century France, on the brink of a revolution, its contrasting characters and locations; on the one hand the poor, living in squalid gutters, and on the other the rich, the well-to-do, the bourgeoisie. The complex characters and their (quite extensively illustrated) backstories, Jean Valjean with his run-ins with the law and becoming virtuous and moralistic, Cosette an orphan girl once abused by the Thenardiers, once frightful and meek now becomes this butterfly from this awkward caterpillar. And the drama of it all, and Victor Hugo's writing still is simply beautiful.

Don't be too intimidated that it's over 1400+ pages long, or that it was made by a Frenchman, or that it was made into a highly successful broadway and West Ends's musical, just treat it like multiple books all crammed into one, like A Song of Fire and Ice. I bet if that was the case, you'd be intimidated by the size too.

I suggest that you buy a good translation of this (preferably hardbound or trade paperback), since this is originally French. Unless you can read fluent French. Mine is the Lee Fahnestock translation by Signet, it's pretty good, some words or phrases aren't translated, though, but overall pretty nice!

Anywaaaaay, we basically follow a set of characters in the story, namely:

Jean Valjean: The man who's hunted for life because he stole a loaf of bread and a bunch of other petty and non-petty crimes. Here we'll see more of his character development (which isn't just from being a 'bad' and grumpy bastard and into a virtuous saint), you'll also understand more why he's one of my favorite characters in this book, because he's just so awesome and nice.

Javert: The French police officer who has absolutely nothing better to do than to chase an escaped convict for about 20 years. I mean, I get it, he has a bunch of crimes and offenses, but 17-ish fucking years? Come on dude, you could've been more productive. Oh I don't know, track down someone more dangerous? Cheesus. He was played by Russel Crowe (Philip Qaust in the play). Brilliant performance, though.

Cossete: The girl on the cover of the book. Also adopted by Jean Valjean (Spoilers!), she's one of the main characters here and who'll present one of the best character development catalysts for Jean Valjean.

Marius Pontmercy and the Friends of the ABC (Les Amis de l'ABC) : A bunch of revolutionary French Republican schoolboys who will join in the June Rebellion with their haphazardly constructed barricade, gotta say, I frickin' love these guys and their parts!

Thénardier and Madamne Thénardier: Basically crafty Borat and less crazy Bellatrix Lestrange (Sacha Baron Cohen and Helena Bonham Carter) running a shitty inn where they serve piss-wine and mystery-meat sausages.
4/5, Windows were a bit drafty.

Bishop Myriel of Digne: Also known as "Omg-why-is-this-first-book-mainly-about-him" guy. I mean, he only appears for a chapter or three outside of his own little intro book, and then that's it! Victor Hugo even says at the start "Although in no way it concerns our story . . .", come on, man.

Victor Hugo used the plot to convey the political and social France during his time, it's shortcomings and its problems, child workers, corrupt or faulty law systems, poverty. He makes the reader reflect on society and the government, all in all it's kinda like a political and social satire but toned-down a bit. He not only tells a compelling story of a convict, a priest, a lawgiver, and a child, but he also gives us insight into what it was like back in his time, or close to it.

Like the Hunchback of Notre Dame, Les Misérables is also melodramatic, almost to the point where it doesn't seem probable anymore, which was deliberate.
And sometimes, he adds random speeches or narratives about things like politics at that time, some ideas, some irrelevant details, and some unimportant character profiles in between books/chapters, you'll randomly be barraged by his gigantic blocks of text in the middle of an important battle or during a chase.

If you're here because of the musical and because you wanted to know and read more of the musical numbers, then you're in the wroooooong neighborhood! I went and actually looked for the lines that might've inspired the songs, but nah. Couldn't find any, because the musical numbers were of original composition.

I really like Jean Valjean's character and his parts in the book, his development was really big and makes you think "Hmm, if he's an arse right now and later on he can be a saintly man, maybe I can too?", he was incredibly nice and caring for Cossette, she's his treasure. I also liked Cossette's part in the book, especially her childhood, it was a really interesting part in story, and it really showed a lot about the 19th century France back then, and the Thenardiers, and just how nice and awesome Jean Valjean is.

Digressions are EVERYWHERE. 'Nuff said.

It took me a total of about a month to finish this book (Technically two years, but eh), some days I woke up at 7 in the morning, and went to sleep at 1:30 in the morning reading this, it's that good and it's that long!

After finishing this, you might get any combination of the following: Strong arms, strong wrists, terrible eyesight, grounded for staying in your local library until it closed and then you were stuck in there for a day until they opened it again, a book with an arced spine, a deeper understanding of France, a better vocabulary, to be drunk on words (I'll tell you later), insanity due to digressions, and many, many more! :D

Below is a guide on how to make your own work in the likeness of Monsieur Victor Hugo! (More specifically, Les Mis.)

How to Write Your Own Version of Les Misérables:

Step 1: Write down a fragment of a story relating to a general plot line. (Pro-tip: Write lots of sub-plots)

Step 2: Randomly interject French history and French politics which will probably have no bearing in the plot whatsoever. (Pro-Tip: Attack society's flaws and shit)

Step 3: Write another story fragment of about 100 pages.

Step 4: Write about 50 pages or random stuff. (Pro-Tip: Make one about the Battle of Waterloo and the sewers of France, just because.)

Repeat Step 1 to 4.

End Step: Finish making a 1463 page book.

“He never went out without a book under his arm, and he often came back with two.”

“To die for lack of love is horrible. The asphyxia of the soul.”

My Rating:

5 out of 5 Fallen stars

#DoYouHearThePeopleSing

Captain's Log #5: BARRICADE DAY!

5:55 pm

Today, in 1832, June 5th, the June Rebellion broke out in France between the Republican and Democratic people against the Monarchists and the military, barricades out of everything were made in streets and in buildings. Although they failed, it was one of the sparks that kindled change and a revolution in France.

If you're not a big history fan or fan of France, I suggest watching or reading or hearing Victor Hugo's Les Misèrables! It's an absolute must! Great captivating story, awesome characters, phenomenal song numbers, a history lesson, you gotta love this book! It's one of my favorite fandoms right next to Sherlock Holmes, The Phantom of the Opera, and Doctor Who!

Check this out, this is the French version of "Do You Hear the People Sing" in the play and the movie, it was sung by the Friends of the ABC (Les Amis de l'ABC), it's one of my favorite songs in the play/movie, and it's even more epic and inspirational in French!

Ends at 2:35

Source: Youtube

Do you hear the people sing?
Singing a song of angry men?
It is the music of a people
Who will not be slaves again!
When the beating of your heart
Echoes the beating of the drums
There is a life about to start
When tomorrow comes!

Will you join in our crusade?
Who will be strong and stand with me?
Beyond the barricade
Is there a world you long to see?
Courfeyrac:
Then join in the fight
That will give you the right to be free!

Do you hear the people sing?
Singing a song of angry men?
It is the music of a people
Who will not be slaves again!
When the beating of your heart
Echoes the beating of the drums
There is a life about to start
When tomorrow comes!

Will you give all you can give
So that our banner may advance
Some will fall and some will live
Will you stand up and take your chance?
The blood of the martyrs
Will water the meadows of France!

Do you hear the people sing?
Singing a song of angry men?
It is the music of a people
Who will not be slaves again!
When the beating of your heart
Echoes the beating of the drums
There is a life about to start
When tomorrow comes!

*****

A la volonté du peuple
Et à la santé du progrès,
Remplis ton cœur d'un vin rebelle
Et à demain, ami fidèle.
Nous voulons faire la lumière
Malgré le masque de la nuit
Pour illuminer notre terre
Et changer la vie.

Il faut gagner à la guerre
Notre sillon à labourer,
Déblayer la misère
Pour les blonds épis de la paix
Qui danseront de joie
Au grand vent de la liberté.

A la volonté du peuple
Et à la santé du progrès,
Remplis ton cœur d'un vin rebelle
Et à demain, ami fidèle.
Nous voulons faire la lumière
Malgré le masque de la nuit
Pour illuminer notre terre
Et changer la vie.

A la volonté du peuple,
Je fais don de ma volonté.
S'il faut mourir pour elle,
Moi je veux être le premier,
Le premier nom gravé
Au marbre du monument d'espoir.

A la volonté du peuple
Et à la santé du progrès,
Remplis ton cœur d'un vin rebelle
Et à demain, ami fidèle.
Nous voulons faire la lumière
Malgré le masque de la nuit
Pour illuminer notre terre
Et changer la vie.

Pretty awesome, right? Doesn't it just make you feel patriotic as hell even though you aren't French in anyway? And that it makes you want to take up a red flag, build a barricade out of your table, your chairs, your hamster cage, and you other furniture in the middle of your street, pull out a musket, and sing this song? Yeah, that's what I feel whenever I hear this! It's definitely better than the English version, even though I can't understand 1 out of 30 words in this song.

Although, while I was listening to this I was constantly gesturing widely and mouthing the words terribly. Imagine singing in the shower to the English version, and then your bastard of a roommate tossed a toaster in with you and then you're being electrified but you're too into the song to stop and you just look stupid. Yeah, that's what I looked like, practically. To be honest, it was like, 2 in the morning and I had coffee a few minutes ago and I just read some Les Misèrables.

Not only does the book/play give you a pretty good picture of what France was Post-Napoleon, but its story stays with you even after you watched the movie, the play, and the book (after like, 2 years). It's one of the best books and play and movie that I know of, the soundtrack is simply fucking amazing! If I went back in time to 19th century France, I would thank that white-haired genius and give him like, ten trophies. And that's only for the 2012 super condensed movie inspired by his novel.
France is pretty damn awesome.

Happy Barricade Day!

Don't forget, my friends: Libertè, Ègalitè, Fraternitè (or Death). Liberty, Equality, Fraternity, unity, quality in everything, and brotherhood, these are what we strive for, what we work for, raise your barricade, raise the red flag, forward unto dawn!

I can definitely tell that the Government might seize me for this hahahahaha So-/viet/ lol

And for the hell of it, here's a video of the fairly-recent game Assassin's Creed Unity, which is set in Revolutionary France, Assassins, France, Revolution, parkour, multiplayer? Hell yeah!

@JennyHan

Flux Reviews: P.S. I Still Love You by Jenny Han

12:21 am

Title: P.S. I Still Love You
Author: Jenny Han
Publication Date: May 26 2015
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
Format: Paperback
Price: ₱395 (Philippines) - $8.11 (Amazon)

Plot Synopsis:

Lara Jean didn’t expect to really fall for Peter.

They were just pretending. Until they weren’t. And now Lara Jean has to learn what it's like to be in a real relationship and not just a make-believe one.

But when another boy from her past returns to her life, Lara Jean’s feelings for him suddenly return too.
Can a girl be in love with two boys at once?
In this charming and heartfelt sequel to the New York Times bestseller To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before, Lara Jean is that falling in love is just the easy part.

The Review

(This book is a sequel. My review of the first book, Jenny Han's To All the Boys I've Loved Before can be found HERE.)

You'd think that after what happened in To All the Boys I've Loved Before, Lara Jean wouldn't have any more problems from her letters to her secret crushes, with boys popping up into her life from them, but no. Never have you been so wrong. (Except for that Trigonometry question you did last month)

So the ending of the previous book, To All the Boys I've Loved Before left a lot of questions that need answering, and that it was a somewhat bad ending, according to some of my friends and other bloggers. And this book solved it, it concluded (almost) everything, this is the sending-off book to the duology.

Quick Pro-Tip: Don't read the back of the book, don't read the summery! Super hinting of a potential love-triangle!

I was actually surprised when someone on Facebook showed us that it was out before the release date, which is May 26. That post was on May 24, I was sooooo freaked-out because why the hell would it be released before the release date???! Man, you gotta love the Philippines. Sometimes.
The next day I dashed to my local NBS and got myself a copy, read it in like, a day while isolating myself from everyone, even in my own house! And the next morning I was ready to review it!

Other problems from the previous book comes to haunt them again, old faces re-appear *cough* Lucas, Chris, (that bitch) Genevieve, and Josh *cough*, new ones make appearances, and the ol' "Ski Trip Incident" resurfaces with a sucker punch . . .

Everything's getting okay, but when someone from her past comes back, this is where things get complicated. She didn't expect to fall for Peter, it was all pretend back in To All the Boys I've Loved Before to save face in front of Josh, and for Peter to get Genevieve jelly, but what if their feelings for each other weren't fake? What if they're legit? And when Player 3 enters the game into her life, her old feelings for him resurface as well, this screams warning sirens in my ears saying "LOVE TRIANGLE ALERT!". Wait, is she starting to like this new guy? Cheesus Crust, calm down, Lara Jean, you've already fallen for Peter and maybe Josh, can't have you falling for another guy, jeez.

Will she follow her feelings for this new guy, or will she stay with Peter? You have to read it to find out!

First of all, I like the new guy, he's fun, he's quirky, he's hot to girls! I swear, they look so damn cute together and I ship them so much!! In my opinion, Lara Jean should choose him than Peter.

He looks more than just taller. Now that i can take the time to really look at him I notice more. With his fair hair and milky skin and rosy cheeks, he looks like he could be an English farmer's son. But he's slim, so maybe the sensitive farmer's sone who steals away to the barn to read. The thought makes me smile

The plot basically revolves around this rather saucy scandal with Lara Jean and Peter K, how they deal with it, an old friend of Lara Jean coming back into her life and how this plays out with Peter and LJ, and why Genevieve's such a total pain in our arse. Yes, apparently there is a reason why. Who knew?

You haven’t brought me down. Just the opposite. You’ve brought me out. You gave me my first love story . . .

This book kept tugging at my heartstrings and you know, giving me almost-tears, which is the next best thing. One minute LJ and Peter's making me smile and go "Awwwwww" the next the book makes me go "Oh shitshitshitshit NO! Omg whyyyyyyy hahahahaha A meme? You serious? Hahahahahaha!" and then the next it's making me grin like an idiot!

Replace "Breadcrumbs" with "My Feels"! <3

All I'm gonna say is "Question everything", just like the previous book, will Peter and LJ get together-legit in the end? I dunno. Will all the questions be answered by the end of the book? Maybe. Is Genevieve and Peter really over? But I am going to give you guys a hint: The Selection by Kiera Cass ;) (No, there won't be a lot of suitors for her!)

I agree that Lara Jean still acts younger than her age, but in this book she really grows up, she's gotten smarter, more funny and she becomes more independent and she deals with stuff better. Although her little sister Kitty is sometimes more mature than her, sometimes. But still.

The ending wasn't that conclusive, it left some small questions hanging, but that's good, I guess, Jenny Han wanted some things left to the imagination, and that's good!

Reading the last pages, the last scenes of Lara Jean's story, and letting go, is like saying goodbye to an old friend at the airport. Waving goodbye as he or she boards the plane, knowing full well you can't follow, and you're left feeling empty. That's what this book did to me.

"I wish that things could go back to the way they were between us. That you could be you and I could be me, and we'd have fun with each other, and it would be a really sweet first romance that I'll remember my whole life"

"When you lose someone and it still hurts, that's when you know the love was real."

My Rating:

5 out of 5 Fallen stars

#LuciusFlux

Flux Reviews: Henry VIII: Wolfman by A.E. Moorat

8:35 pm

Title: Henry VIII: Wolfman
Author: A.E. Moorat
Publication Date: March 30, 2014
Publisher: Hodder and Stoughton
Format: Paperback pocketbook
Price: ₱ ??? (Philippines) - $ ??? (Amazon)

Plot Synopsis:

Five hundred years ago Henry VIII was known for being larger-than-life, with had a fearsome temper and bloodthirsty reputation to match; more beast than human, some might say
Henry VIII was the bloodiest king ever to have sat on the throne of England. This fast-paced, exciting, and inventive retelling of his reign will bring to light the real man behind the myth. Be dragged back kicking and screaming to the paranormal world of Tudor England . . .

The Review

Step aside, Robb Stark, this guy's the real King in the North!

King Henry VIII of England is probably most well known for: (1) Being fat. (2) Beheading (Two of) his wives when they couldn't bear him a male heir. (3) Basically giving the Holy Roman Church the bird when he made his own church. (4) Actually being king of England.
But what the history books didn't tell us is the hidden aspect of his reign, that he's actually like, a literal fricken' beast. So yeah, your history professor lied to you guys.

He's basically that cool uncle you have over every Thanksgiving, with hunting for turkey and stuffings, except Henry fucking hunts deer and boars and shit.

Set in an alternate history in the 1560's-70's(?) during the reign of King Henry VIII, where werewolves or out in the country, demons are making pacts with humans, Seal Team 6-like elite cardinal special forces, witchfinder generals, the Sweating Sickness, and the ever-lovable Henry VIII, this is actually a great book, sure to fill you with suspense and give you a few chuckles over the sheer British humor in it, full of twists and turns, betrayals and discoveries.

Did I mention Cardinal commandoes? Nn the command of the Pope? Yeah, fuckin' Cardinal Commandoes, part of the Protektorate, which is basically a group of demon hunting priests who's job's to make sure Hellgate: London IRL doesn't happen.

And if the Wolfmen weren't trouble enough for the country, the Sweating Sickness is also ravaging the land, killing thousands. And the mysterious Wagon Men, the Scourge of the Countryside, who come into homes to carry them off, supposedly to cure them, hundreds, maybe thousands of the sick bastards to God knows where . . .

See? Totally legit

When you look at a picture of Henry VIII you usually saw this portly grim monarch who kills his wives when she doesn't give him a boy, but actually he's like one of us, his first thoughts are of breakfast and his wife, Katherine of Aragon, and how to avoid responsibility and hunting. He actually makes some funny jokes here. Just imagine a less loud and lewd Robert Baratheon. Both men used to be muscular, strong men back when they weren't king and when they weren't fat, both of them enjoy drink and food and feasts, both enjoyed hunting. The politics of King Robert's court was very closely tied to King Henry VIII's, that because they liked to hunt, they needed to delegate power. And as such, the courtiers would think that they can get more power.

A bookish "Witchfinder General" and his bad-ass wife (Who I imagined was played by Helena Bonham Carter) who has a knack for being almost comedically cruel and for being theatric, their parts were almost like a Mummer's farce, I couldn't take the action-y bit seriously! I kinda expected that Monty Python made a skit of this in one of their their Flying Circus or something!

The author tried to emulate the historical events very closely while making it his own with his own plot, alternately, he also uses some speech and phrases and situations that we may commonly encounter in the modern UK to make this more relatable and not like a textbook or a Shakespearian novel (Which I have no animosity towards.)

This is clearly a very good alternate-history/I-Dont-Know-What-Genre book for history buffs, fantasy lovers, and supernatural readers, genuinely a good read! Some chapters feature the POV of some other characters, minor and major. This is one of the books that me paranoid whether this character or that will live or die, (Just like A Song of Fire and Ice), if you haven't read up on your history, you won't know who kills who, which characters survive and so on and so forth.
If you're gonna read this because you watched Tudors or just because you want to find out more facts about the king, you might be disappointed because it would appear that this book is more focused on the monsters and the affairs that sprout from them than facts like the fact that King Henry VIII was a great composer.

Historical note

(From the Author)

Tudor enthusiast will hopefully note two things from my alternate readings of king henry's reign: Firstly that the action sticks very closely to real-life history and character; secondly, that I've taken some liberties with it. The most obvious 'cheat' is that I've compressed time--decades into seconds in some instances--while elsewhere I've used certain anachronisms for comic effect. *Excerpt Removed because of spoiler purposes*

. . .Because if the accused died during questioning, then it was a sure sign of witchcraft; if she displayed taciturnimnity, then it was a sure sign of witchcraft; if she passed out, then it was the devil putting her out of her misery, and a sure sign of witchcraft; if she should not admit her abominations, then the tortures would be increased unil such a time as she did. And if the accused confessed to witchcraft, then it was a sure sign of witchcraft, too.

My Rating: